GARNETT WED B TEAM REPORT
Wed 29th October 2003 Garnett B 5 (3) vs. (0) 0 Dyslexic United

Longbenton has long been a favoured venue for Manager Thorpe, as his own personal record there is impressive. It was with this in mind that he marshalled his troops in preparation for the match against old enemies Dyslexic Untied. One couldn't help wondering whether the fiasco that was the previous week's cup defeat would play on the minds of the B's.

It was clear however, straight from kick-off that none of the old confidence had been lost. Apart from the customary first 5 minute blip, in which Dyslexic forced a couple of corners, Garnett were in control of this tie. The restored partnership of Simms and the slightly worse-for-wear Thorpe gelled together instantly, and aside from a couple of panicky clearances from the latter, looked solid and immoveable.
Garnett started stringing the passes together in midfield, and the Dyslexic players couldn't get near the ball. Moore and Heslop went close on separate occasions, and only the excellent saves of the slightly portly Dyslexic keeper kept the score line blank.

This reporter could feel a goal was coming, and when it did, it was from the ever-reliable boot of MOORE. This young man has been a revelation in attack, and when played through by Murray, he made no mistake, chipping the ball home from 12 yards. 1-0 Garnett.

Cue a frantic period of play which involved the ball being whipped across the Dyslexic goal no less than SIX times without reward. The manager began to get slightly worried, so he informs me, that the pressure would not be made to count.

In the end, it took the intervention of a Dyslexic defender to finally force the ball home and ease the minds of the unemployed Garnett defence. 5 minutes before half time, Heslop completely fooled 3 opposition players, before firing a wicked shot-cum-cross in the general direction of the net. It looked to be going wide, but for a fantastic diving header by the somewhat unfortunate central defender. OWN GOAL, and 2-0 to Garnett as stand-in Ref Wallace blew for half time.

Manager Thorpe was understandably upbeat during the half time team talk, as the first half performance by the whole team had given his hangover time to heal slightly! He asked his loyal team to get an early goal if possible in the second half, and then frustrate the already annoyed Untied.
The players must have been listening, because barely two minutes into the second half, Garnett scored again. Gorgeous passing was exchanged, with Perry, Murray and Heslop all involved, before the latter slipped the ball behind the Dyslexic right back, for BRYDON to run onto. His pace took him clear, and although he slightly scuffed his shot (a la Phil Neville v Rangers) it fooled the keeper, and crept into the far corner. 3-0 Garnett, and Dyslexic were dead and buried.

What then followed made Thorpe an immensely proud manager. The whole back 4 passed it around, the midfield too, and whenever a Dyslexic player got anywhere near the ball, it was prodded back to the excellent Harty, who cleared upfield with his phenomenal left leg. Dyslexic, who are known in the Wednesday league as an arrogant sort of team, did not respond well to this, and a couple of late tackles showed their frustration. One of these tackles put the game beyond doubt.

Wallace, who had come on for Captain Perry in the heart of midfield, burst forward on a typically robust run. Normally not the most skilful of players in the opposition's penalty box, he completely skinned the lumbering central defender, who misjudged wildly and scythed the industrious midfielder down. The ref, a Dyslexic substitute, showed tremendous courage, and pointed immediately to the spot.

But who was to take it? One loud, Irish voice cut through the general hubbub, and it was left in no doubt who was taking it..

Now, this reporter has seen ANDERSON take a penalty before, and so the run up was watched with horror, and partially closed eyes! Although he hit it straight down the middle once more, it was well struck and beat the keeper quite comfortably, "bursting the net" in the process. 4-0 to the Green and Black.

The emphasis now was on keeping a clean sheet, with Man of the Match Simms in particular a rock in the heart of defence. Though it pains this reporter to say it, he never put a foot wrong all day, and thoroughly deserved the accolade. His partner Thorpe played admirably too, although he lost the ball in the sun with about 5 minutes to go, and it took a fine save from the legs of the fantastic Harty to keep the aforementioned clean sheet. Garnett breathed again.

There was still time for another Garnett goal though. Wallace, who had 2 other efforts saved well by the Dyslexic keeper, threaded the ball to Hindle, who slipped the ball cleverly into the path of Heslop. Unfortunately, this reporter blinked at the crucial time, because one second HESLOP had 4 defenders in front of him, and the next they were all flat on their backsides, with the quick footed striker through on goal! He made no mistake with the finish, and poked the ball home. 5-0, and that's how it finished.

Your reporter caught up with an understandably jubilant Thorpe after the final whistle, who had this to say: "That was the best we've played yet, and it couldn't have come at a better time. All over the park we were excellent today. It would appear we've also learnt how to defend properly, and it hasn't come a moment too soon!" When quizzed about next week's clash of the titans, Thorpe was understandably modest, saying, "We all know it's going to be a difficult match, and some are saying we are going to be rolled over. I don't think that will happen, personally I think it will be close." When asked if he was covering his back just in case it all went horribly wrong, Thorpe declined further comment.

ALSO THIS WEEK:
"A Pimp and his Bitches"- Undercover reporter Perry exposes Thorpe's seedy private life after a night on the town

"Ways to impress women"- By Rory 'you're shit you are!' Monaghan

Team: K.Harty, A.Anderson 1, R.Monaghan, S.Simms (MoM), R.Thorpe, T.Perry ©, A.Hindle, P.Murray, N.Heslop 1, S.Moore 1, T.Brydon 1,
Sub: R.Wallace

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