With Garnett B lying second in the league behind their counterparts the As, all was well in the camp before kick off against the legendary Pike's old posse, Lawyers. However, as manager Thorpe should have probably realised by now, the course of total football seldom runs smoothly, as for the 3rd week running Kev "It's ok lads, I'm here" Harty was the last to arrive.

Bigger problems presented themselves however, with no referee, and the puzzling discovery of only 10 shirts in the kitbag. This forced Thorpe to wear his Manchester Utd 3rd strip, which bore the name of another already legendary defender, John O' Shea.

The match kicked off eventually; with Garnett sub Rob Wallace standing in as first half ref. The Bs looked nervous from the off, with Anderson caught in dangerous positions more than once, and Thorpe not looking anything like O' Shea in central defence. Thank goodness for the steel and determination of the excellent Simms. (That one's for you matey…)

Surprisingly perhaps, it was Garnett that went ahead. The Lawyers keeper had looked particularly shaky early on, with Moore and Heslop going close. After a Bs attack which had petered out, the goal kick was scuffed straight to MOORE, who will never score an easier goal in his life. The ball was duly slotted in, 1-0 to Garnett.

But not for long. 5 minutes later, under extreme pressure, a corner was conceded. The Lawyers winger swung the ball in deep, and the nippy forward, who had escaped his marker (Thorpe), chested in from 2 yards at the back post. 1-1.

Garnett seemed unable to launch a proper attack against the strong wind, and were under a lot of pressure for the next ten minutes. Time and again the defence was caught flat-footed as balls were swept over the top, with 3 on 2 a regular occurrence. However, a rare Garnett break led to a free kick just outside the area. Heslop, who had been unlucky with an earlier free kick from a similar position, stepped aside, and while the Lawyers defence was dithering, Anderson floated a perfect ball over the wall , onto the head of the unmarked PENN. A glancing header made it 2-1 to Garnett, perhaps undeservingly, and it was 2 in 2 games for the impressive midfielder.

With 15 minutes to go in the first half, Lawyers pressed ferociously for an equaliser, and 5 minutes before half time, one duly came. An excellent dummy from a Lawyers striker took Thorpe out of the game, Monaghan was caught out of position, Simms was slow going across to the winger, and Anderson wasn't tight enough on his man, who clipped the low cross through the legs of the unlucky Harty. A fine example of collective responsibility, and 2-2!

This was the score at half time, and the manager pointed out that although the Bs were sloppy in the first half, the wind was with them in the second, and wherever possible long shots should be tried, to test the decidedly dodgy Lawyers keeper.

The 1st 5 minutes of the second half, refereed by the Lawyers Manager Archie, were quiet from both sides. Then, in a flash of tactical genius which this reporter has become accustomed to seeing, Thorpe brought on Brydon for Hindle, who had had a quiet game by his excellent standards, and switched him to left wing. Murray, who had been excellent as usual, moved onto the right.

It was to pay instant dividends. On a quick break, Penn drew a couple of defenders towards him, before slipping the ball to BRYDON, who took one touch and then smashed the ball into the top corner from 20 yards. An excellent 1st goal for the Garnett man, who gave his all despite the obvious frustration of being on the bench.

Captain Fantastic Perry, who had been accomplished as usual, made way for Wallace, with the Burnley hardman told by his manager to "get stuck in". This he certainly did, with several bone-crunching yet fair tackles in the first 15 minutes of his being on! Garnett could sense that a victory was there for the taking, as the Lawyers attacks were becoming less and less frequent. However, the attacks were no less dangerous, and twice at 3-2 Harty produced fine saves to deny the excellent lawyers strikers.

The Bs started to pile on the pressure, and this reporter could see a goal was coming. Somewhat surprisingly, the move started when Thorpe cut out a through ball, and delivered a delightful curling PASS to the right wing. This stunned the Lawyers midfield into motionlessness, allowing Anderson to race down the wing, and spin the ball into the feet of MOORE, who jinked, bobbed, weaved, etc, and placed a tasty low shot into the bottom left corner of the lawyers net. 4-2, and clear daylight for the first t ime.

You could sense a change in the mood of the game. Some of the Lawyers players gave up, allowing a cross by Brydon, which was spilled by the hapless Lawyers keeper, to be chased up by no less than 3 Garnett players. After a scramble in the 6 yard box, man of the match MOORE popped up to slam the ball home, and claim a hattrick for the first time this season. 5-2, and the game was over.

The Lawyers didn't challenge much after that, and the only noticeable incident in the final 10 minutes was an X-rated tackle by Anderson which warranted a red card, but which produced nothing. Several lawyers players had to be calmed down, as well as Anderson himself, who claimed to have been provoked by the tiny left back. The bruise on his ankle he showed this intrepid reporter after the match was proof enough.

So 5-2 it finished, and your reporter was on hand to witness a phone call from the captain of the As, who asked Thorpe how the Bs had got on. When asked the same question by Thorpe, he replied with the words "Shit, we drew one-all against a shit team..." When the manager informed Garnett B of the A's slip-up, the dressing room exploded with delight, and chants of "We, are, top of the league", which were directed at no-one in particular.

A clearly ecstatic Thorpe said, "I had no idea managing could be this fun, but I suppose it's always nice to be on top!" He went on to point out that "If Sven does bugger off to Chelsea, I've been told by one of my team mates to put my name forward for the job. As Player-Manager of course.."
So the Bs are riding high, but a tough few weeks await. Athletico Jizzmen, Dyslexic Untied and Garnett A are the next 3 fixtures for Thorpe's Heroes. We'll see if he's smiling so broadly then.

ALSO THIS WEEK:- Tales of the Paranormal, including:-

"Thorpe learns how to pass shocker",
"Northern Irish Anderson loses his temper",
"Harty in 'I'm quite highly strung actually' controversy"

Team: K.Harty, A.Anderson, R.Monaghan, S.Simms, R.Thorpe, T.Perry © (R.Wallace),
A.Hindle (T.Brydon 1), T.Penn 1, N.Heslop, S.Moore 3 (MoM), P.Murray