The mighty B's once again graced the fairways of Close House, scene of so many epic battles last term, for a possibly league deciding tie. The lads knew that they had to win to catch up with the Jizz, but Nico Heslop's last-gasp equalizer last term was sure to be fresh in our opponents' minds.

Manager Thorpe stuck with 4-4-2, not being brave enough to go with the 3-5-2 which worked so well against Jesmond Lynam (well, for about 70 minutes anyway) and with Steve Moore injured, was forced to bring in the much sought-after striker Kevin 'Shrek' Young, a deal clinched late on transfer deadline day after much text-based negotiation, and rumours that the signing was celebrated with many trebles in Dobson's have been grossly exaggerated. Alex Bloomfield was also drafted in, and started on the bench acc ompanied by Andy 'Sicknote' Anderson.

And so to the match itself. The B's once again had a horrendous opening couple of minutes, and were nearly punished after losing the ball straight from kick-off, Jizzmen forcing a corner and missing an easy chance, a free header for their freakishly tall centre back, who had made a late run at the far post. Cue Thorpe screaming at everyone in the box to get it together, and although nobody really paid any attention, it actually worked.

With a sudden break down the right flank, Paul Murray found himself with a shooting opportunity, and the nippy midfielder made no mistake as he crashed the ball into the bottom corner. 1-0 to the Garnett boys.

This fired up the players on both sides, with numerous crunching tackles coming in from Murray, Brydon and Perry. The remaining midfielder, Penn, didn't want to get his knees muddy, and so stayed out of it, preferring to assume the role of playmaker, spraying passes left, right and even centre. One of these tackles led to a free-kick about 40 yards in front of goal. No problem, you would have reckoned. But Kev Harty had other ideas. The ball was chipped in, went over everyone, and the Jizzmen players didn't even follow the ball in, knowing that the 'keeper would simply bend down and pick the ball up. However, Harty tried to stop the ball with his foot, the ball went underneath said foot and trickled into the net. 1-1.

The game was quite even until half-time, where the inconsolable Harty had to choke back the tears. Thorpe's message seemed to be along the lines of 'more of the same lads' (I'm not sure exactly what he said, firstly because of many treble's in Dobson's, secondly because I wasn't listening).

For the first ten or so minutes of the second half, this was a very good contest, Jizzmen throwing everything but the kitchen sink at the back four, but getting nowhere. A corner was conceded by one of Thorpe's magnificent sliced clearances, the ball was delivered… and went in. 2-1. "Who got a touch?" you ask. No-one. The ball sailed straight over Penn's big hair and into the net. By this time, the usually reliable Harty was on suicide watch.

Now Garnett B have been here before. A goal down against Athletico Jizzmen, they came back at Longbenton and bloody hell, they did it at Close House as well. Bloomfield came on for the impressive Young, who promptly left to try and purchase Dave Mullan's phone. Future leader Monaghan was often the only man back, with the other nine outfield players driving forward, and Harty sobbing on his goal line. After a nice bit of work in the corner by Penn, the ball was cut back, leaving Rob Wallace the easiest of f inishes. 2-2, and the Jizzmen players were appealing for offside with an irate Anderson, who had to be restrained by the referee, which made this reporter laugh.

But Intra Mural football at this level is no laughing matter. There were three points for the taking, and Bloomfield went close a couple of times after being put through by the impressive Penn, Heslop did his Stanley Matthews impression a few times, leaving defenders humiliated. But by committing so many players forward, Garnett left themselves open to attack, and a long ball wasn't dealt with by Simms and Thorpe, the ball was passed into the area, Monaghan had two men to mark, and so he was blameless for the goal that was scored. 3-2, with only a couple of minutes left.

And that's how it ended. All in all, a very enjoyable game of football for the neutral observer played in good spirits by both teams. Jizzmen are now 10 points clear at the top, and are odds-on favourites to win the League. Second place is what the B's have to aim for now, but desperately need a win against Dyslexic United to stop their current poor run of form.

Player Ratings:
Harty: 5 - Made some good saves after his mistakes, but unforgivable errors may have cost Garnett the match, maybe even the Title.
Wallace: 7.5 - Another solid performance from the straight talking Northerner.
Monaghan: 9 - Kept the defence in order. All the Best.
Simms: 7.5 - Confident for some reason, had a spring in his step.
Thorpe: 7 - Lead by example. Very good.
Brydon: 7.5 - Small battler, like a terrier.
Perry: 8 - Good to have him back in the side, has been missed.
Murray: 7.5 - Nice finish, gives his all. Bravo.
Penn: 8.5 - Only missed out on a coveted 9 because of his silly hair.
Heslop: 8 - Swears loudly when he misses, it's well funny.
Young: 8 - Nothing young about his performance, played like a veteran striker.
Bloomfield: 7 - Put himself about, made a nuisance of himself. Played well too.

Ref Watch:
Thought he was going to collapse in the second half. Some strange decisions, like giving a free-kick for a foul throw, but he's probably dead now, so can't speak ill of him.

Also:

Taxi for Harty - "I can't get in a cab without the lads saying it" - The tragic tale of the Garnett 'keeper. Celebrity Hotspots #7 - This week, post-football watering hole, Dobson's.

Tremendous.

Author: Rory Monaghan MBE

Team: K. Harty, R. Wallace 1, R. Monaghan, R. Thorpe, S. Simms, T. Perry, T. Penn (=MoM),
P. Murray 1, K. Young, N. Heslop (=MoM), T. Brydon, A. Bloomfield
Linesman: A. Anderson