Buoyed by the excellent 1st day win over Leazes Terrace, the manager was fairly confident in the hours before kick off against Jesmond Lynam. This was despite an injury to Bell, and illness striking down Moore, cruelly eliminating both of last week's goal-scorers. It is interesting to note at this stage that your intrepid reporter received a phone call from a clearly worse-for-wear Moore, at 11:30 at night on match day...

The feeling of well-being that a 13 man squad can give was swiftly evaporated when the A team, clearly struggling for players as committed as the B's are, decided to steal Janes from a perplexed Thorpe. Worse was to follow, however, as they sent Janes to a car, when he was meant to get on the coach, by the time they realised they had no space for him, the coach had departed. One player down, instead, they stole the B's only recognised striker, Kev Young, now the B's were down to 11!

That was until a vastly relieved Thorpe was given the boost of Wallace's return from a lengthy injury. The chaos meant Garnett B did not have the luxury of a lengthy warm up. In fact, coupled with having to swap shirts with the A's, some players didn't warm up at all. Maybe this is a tactic they should try more often. Within a minute of the whistle, Garnett went in front. A beautiful ball down the flank, was raced onto by Murray, who delivered a dangerous cross into the pack. Somehow it missed everyone, and the chance seemed wasted, but from nowhere the impressive MONAGHAN came steaming in, and drilled the ball with considerable power into the bottom corner. 1-0, and a fine 1st goal for his new club.

If the start was impressive, the joy was doubled after 5 minutes, when neat interplay between Brydon, Penn and Murray led to another excellent cross, this time from the left, another piece of a farcical defending from the Jesmond left back, and an excellent volleyed finish for HESLOP to open his account for Garnett. 2-0, and Thorpe was certainly less stressed!

After that, the game became quite disjointed, as the referee gave foul after foul against Garnett for seemingly perfect challenges. It was almost as if he'd been told that football was a non contact sport! Jesmond Lynam were able to build on this run of fortune, and forced a series of corners, from which the marking was sloppy at best. Thorpe headed off the line, although Penn would have done the same if the centre back hadn't intervened.

Eventually though, Garnett were punished for their laxity. As the ref gave another non-existent free kick on the edge of the area, Harty assembled a 3 man wall. The ball was floated into the centre, and Simms, who had an otherwise excellent game, let his man get away from him to dispatch a neat diving header into the corner, giving the unlucky keeper no chance. 2-1, with the furious Thorpe giving the culprits an expletive-riddled diatribe. From then on, the marking got a lot better!
Garnett were then subjected to 10 minutes of sustained pressure, which was dealt with admirably, until the half time whistle blew. The team talk at half time, from what this reporter could overhear, was part praise, part "keep going", and part "we really shouldn't be only 2-1 up".

Jesmond started the 2nd half as they ended the 1st, with wave after wave of attacks threatening to burst the defensive dam. 15 minutes of this, and the cracks were beginning to show.

Until, that is, on a rare Garnett counter attack, Murray bobbed, and weaved, and took it past 2 defenders into the box...
…where he was unceremoniously hacked down by a 3rd defender, for what was the most blatant penalty this reporter has ever seen. Even one of the Lynam attackers was heard to say this. Unbelievably, the ref claimed that Murray "looked for it", that the defender won the ball, and he duly awarded a corner! The justifiably upset Murray took his protestations a little far, and was warned by the ref as to his future conduct. Justice was done seconds later however, as the ball was whipped in to the back post by the magnificent Heslop, and MURRAY, at 3'5" the smallest player on the pitch, rose like a majestic salmon, and headed home. Cue wild scenes of celebration, and shouts of "justice!" from most of the team, until Thorpe pointed out diplomatically that it was not a good idea to rile the referee. At least, that's what your reporter thinks he said.. 3-1 to Garnett on 60 mins.

Barely 3 minutes later, it was all over as a contest. For once, the B's got the rub of the green, as a direct free kick was awarded just outside the box. At first it looked like Anderson had muscled in on the taking of it, but this turned out to be an obviously pre-ordained ploy. Anderson dummied cleverly, and Heslop ran up to the ball...
…never in intramural football has this reporter seen a more sweetly struck free kick. Hit with power and pace, from the spectators' vantage point it looked like it was hitting the corner flag.. until it inexplicably turned 90 degrees and into the top right hand corner, defying the meaty hand the keeper somehow got to it. 4-1, and thanks to man of the match HESLOP's second goal of the game, Garnett were cruising.

Although there was still roughly half an hour to go, the Jesmond Lynam heads visibly dropped. Although they kept on going, taking advantage of the fact that they had 3 subs and Garnett only had one, they couldn't split the obviously tiring defence, though the B's were sitting deeper and deeper as time went on. 10 minutes from the end, Anderson fell awkwardly whilst challenging, (possibly after noticing that the first aiders were 2 reasonably attractive girls). As substitute Wallace had already come on, putting in an impressive performance in left midfield, Garnett were down to ten men. Anderson meanwhile was reduced to sitting on the sideline having ointment massaged into his ankle.

A quick tactical change meant that Wallace moved to right back, Heslop moved into a more conventional midfield role, and Murray was left up front on his own. This proved a stroke of tactical genius by the manager, whose reputation is surely growing by the minute. After making a trademark forward run, PENN burst into the box, swapped passes with Murray, and scrambled the ball home. 5-1 Garnett, and when the whistle blew for full time shortly afterwards, the manager was suitably ecstatic.

" I couldn't be more proud of my team," spluttered an obviously knackered Thorpe, "and I think we're proving that we're not just also-rans in this league." When asked about the potential clash of the titans, A's vs B's on November 5th, he quipped, "There'll definitely be fireworks!!", a pun he was so proud of, he repeated it to anyone who would listen in the bar after the game.

ALSO THIS WEEK: A special "Football skills" article by various players, who are happy to share the secrets of their success. Contributions include:-

"Perfecting the offside trap" (Rob Thorpe)
"The art of winning penalties" (Paul Murray)
"Fitness and stamina in the modern game" (Thorpe again)
"Pre and Post match Hair Care" (Andy Anderson and Al Hindle)

Team: K.Harty, A.Anderson, R.Monaghan 1, S.Simms, R.Thorpe, T.Perry ©, A.Hindle, T.Penn 1, N.Heslop 2 (MoM), P.Murray 1, T.Brydon, Sub: R.Wallace.